OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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