that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize