I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
