oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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