I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
