Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
