For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
