I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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