Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
