For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
