you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
