Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
