guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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