she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
