if only i could text you this smell
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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