Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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