I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
