Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
they need to just BURY HIM!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
