peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
