You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
