I saw his package. It spoke to me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
