turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
