Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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