why didn't you poke me back
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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