Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I believe in your delicious
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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