just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize