I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
