I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
