I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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