You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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