holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
