i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
