She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
