just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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