I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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