we have pet lesbian snakes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
