how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
