btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
