the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
