You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize