i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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