Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
