marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
