So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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