It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
