New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
