Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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