so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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