Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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