Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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