i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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