Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
