That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
