im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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