Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
