I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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