somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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