you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
