You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
