Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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