I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
