fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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