the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
