I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
