There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize