Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
