If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
