ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
