Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
