Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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