Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize