There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
