he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
