he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
