drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
