At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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