i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
