Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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