we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
