I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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