Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
