okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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