i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
"it" just moved
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
