oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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