After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize