That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
