You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
