I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
