did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
