ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
