my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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