last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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