No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
