Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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