Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
