Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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