ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
