Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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