I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize