Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
